I feel like its been forever since I last wrote, but its been kind of a crazy week. Brendan was out of town Tuesday through Thursday, and every time I would sit down to write, Kona would start acting obnoxious and I’d get distracted. He gets neutered next week, so here’s hoping he calms down a bit. I’m trying to make a point of actually leaving the house to get work done, since working from home involves blatantly ignoring clutter and messiness and unfinished projects; this can be challenging at best, if not downright impossible. I’ve always been the type of person who needs to have everything in order before I can concentrate, which would probably explain why I always preferred to study in the library back when I was in college.
I can honestly say that I am in a much better place than I was 2 weeks ago. I’ve been working twice a week a local boutique, which has been great so far. It’s a 5 minute walk from my house, I like that I work for a small local business, and I love that I don’t feel mentally exhausted at the end of the day. And if we’re being honest here, it’s also good that on 2 days a week I have to wear something other than yoga pants. I love me some yoga pants as much as the next gal, but when I wear them every single day, they become a gateway drug towards letting myself go.
We had a pretty big win with PepperMin this week; we submitted a proposal for a graphic design job which we ended up getting. Aside from some much needed cash flow, it was a HUGE morale booster as well. Up until this point, we’ve been taking mostly small jobs that don’t pay well just so that we have something to work on. There is a fine line between needing to get off the ground and underselling ourselves, and we’ve been toeing this line for a few months now. I think the lesson learned this week was that we need to value our time. If you don’t value yourself, no one else will.
I was talking to my boss at the boutique this week and I asked her how she got her interior design business up and running. She said that when she first left the corporate world people would constantly ask her what she was going to do, and her answer was always “I’m going to pray about it.” Inevitably, that would be met with the follow up question, “yes, I know you are going to pray, but what are you going to do?” and she would give the same response, “I’m going to pray about it”. Ironically, this is the same advice my mom has been giving me
this month my whole life.
I realize that the “Let go and let God” approach works for a lot of people- but for me, it always felt like sort of a cop out. I’m a planner through and through, so I’ve always more closely aligned with the “God helps those who help themselves” approach. I’m realizing now that those two schools of belief are not mutually exclusive. We can take chances and try to better ourselves, and at the end of the day also realize that we have very little control over our own lives. Call it God, call it the universe (or if you are like me, the two are one and the same), call it whatever you like: there are forces bigger than us at play in this life. Faithfully surrender to the fact that you are not in control.
There is a bumper sticker that I’ve seen a few times, which always makes me giggle:
You are a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made from stardust riding a rock floating through space. Fear nothing.
It is a blessing and a relief to know that in the grand scheme of things, our problems and fears and insecurities are just not that important.